Speaking of Phallic Symbolism...

Okay, one last thing before bedtime. In honor of all the sexy food talk today, another dip into the ol' archives:

A Conversation With My Analyst
- Very interesting. Very interesting indeed. What happens next?
- Then I find myself sitting naked in a broom closet with my third grade French teacher.
- Ah, yes, of course. The old Leibnizer broom closet dream. A classic. Though of course with most people it’s a Spanish teacher. Very interesting.
- No but you don’t understand. That’s not all. In my dream, my teacher –
- Your penis, you mean.
- What? No, my teacher, Madame Lebrun, she –
- This Madame Lebrun as you call her symbolizes your penis. It is a common dream, the old Leibnizer penis in the broom closet dream. Though of course with most people it’s circumsized. Very interesting.
- But I am circumsized.
- Not in your subconscious, you’re not.
- But that’s not the whole dream, doc. You see, Madame Lebrun is holding –
- A fish!
- Um, no, it’s a lemon meringue pie.
- No, that’s wrong.
- Listen, I’m pretty sure I know my own dream.
- Ah, but do you really? I’m the analyst here, and I’m telling you that in your dream she is holding a fish.
- No, but –
- Shut up. Listen, this is what happens. You are in the closet with her, you look deep in her eyes, you whisper, “Natalie, my love, I love you, I have always loved you, I – ”
- Her name is Christine.
- I said shut up. Now listen, you seduce Natalie, make love to her gently, and then sit in bed together smoking cigarettes until dawn.
- But I don’t smoke.
- Ah, but I do. And this is, after all, my dream.
[Kinky music starts to play, and suddenly a fish appears in my hand. My analyst and I make love.]