If Life were like a Presidential Candidates Debate

In the classroom
Mrs. Smith: Okay, class, the Declaration of Independence was in what year?
Billy: Well, the important thing here is that America has a long and storied history –
Bobby: That’s not what you said last week.
Billy: Now, hold on, let me finish –
Bobby: No, let me finish. I think the class would be interested in knowing that last week you called President Lincoln a dorkwad.
Billy: Funny, I thought you were too busy serving detention last week to listen to what I was saying.
Bobby: You know what? I did serve detention, and I’ll tell you why: while you’ve been doing your homework like a pawn of the system, I’ve been taking action to bring the man down –
Billy: Hold on –
Bobby: No, you hold on. I did egg the principal’s house, and I think the class is behind me on this one. It’s time we stopped letting those teachers’ lounge fat cats tell us what to do!
Billy: Big talk from someone whose mother is a substitute teacher.
Bobby: In another district! You’re mixing up the issues here – this is third grade all over again!
Billy: Oh, so you mean you’re still wetting your bed?
Bobby: . . .
Billy: That’s what I thought.

At the office
Mr. Weyland: Does anyone have any ideas on how to spin these reports?
Mr. Stevens: Well the first thing we need to do is set up a committee to –
Mr. Jones: Talk, talk, talk – that’s all you ever do, Larry. Well I say it’s time to act! Do you –
Mr. Stevens: Don’t interrupt me, Sam. Though you bring up a good point, and maybe you should start acting like someone who isn’t such a dorkwad.
Mr. Jones: Hey, pal, let’s stick to the issues here. Tell me, do you have any idea how many fat cats thrive on this company? It’s a disgrace!
Mr. Stevens: Well, considering that our company’s main product is cat food, I think it’s quite an accomplishment.
Mr. Jones: Oh, um, right . . . well excuse me if I was too busy serving this nation in Vietnam to read the mission statement!